Love is The Slowest Form of Suicide
by Thursday Addams
Summary: IY YYH xover. Kagome writes in her diary about her most recent trip to the Feudal Era and her relationship with InuYasha, and then considers a relationship with someone else. KagHiei pairing some KagInu ONESHOT


Love is the Slowest Form of Suicide.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or Yu Yu Hakusho. They each belong to their respective owners.

Fourteen year old Kagome Higurashi sat down at her desk in her room and started scribbling frantically in a small, plain-looking book, This "book" was actually her diary. She was home from the Feudal Era for a awhile and she needed some time to get all her thoughts together. A lot had happened since her last visit home. The spirit detectives had come to the Feudal Era to defeat Naraku and to make sure that the Shikon no tama (sacred jewel) didn't fall into the hands of anyone evil. They had been working with Kagome and her friends, and Kagome found that with their help it was a lot easier.

She had also befriended the spirit detectives. Well, most of them. She wasn't quite sure if she could call Hiei her friend.

"Don't worry about him. He's not really the social type, but he's a good person. You'll get used to him." Kurama had told her.

Kagome's wrist started to hurt as she continued to write in her diary. She didn't want to stop now, though. Her thoughts were all over the place and writing in her diary was the only way she would be able to think clearly. Her entry read:

Well, today I got back from the Feudal Era. Things have been going pretty well. We're getting as lot closer to having all the pieces of the scared jewel thanks to the help of the spirit detectives. They're all pretty nice guys too, even Hiei. He seems a little cold and angry at first, but once you get to know him and start talking to him he's actually a pretty ok guy. I think he may hate me, though. Kurama says that I've grown on Hiei, and that he's sort of afraid of me, but not in a bad way. Ha, imagine, Hiei afraid of me. Haha. Anyway, Kurama says that Hiei's just a little shocked that his cold attitude and sarcastic remarks haven't driven me away, and that I'm still kind to him despite that, and that he'll come around eventually. I love Kurama like the older brother I never had, but I sometimes wonder if he's telling the truth or just lying to make me feel better. I don't know though, he is Hiei's best friend so he would know this stuff, I guess.

Kagome stopped writing in her diary for a moment to give her wrist a break. Her entry was certainly long enough, but she still felt as though something was missing, like there was something in the back of her mind that was bothering her. She leaned back in her chair and thought for a moment. The first thing that came to mind was InuYasha. She felt a smile tug at her lips and she blushed as she thought about him. Suddenly, the blushing went away and the smile that was tugging at her lips disappeared. Now she knew what was bothering her. She picked up her pen and started writing again.

Everything's been great, except for InuYasha. I love him a lot, but I'm not sure if he returns my feelings. One of my friends told me once after she had her heartbroken that "Love is the slowest form of suicide." Back then I didn't know what she meant, but I understand now.

Kagome stopped writing again, but only for a moment. She couldn't stop now. Feelings and thoughts that she never knew she had surfaced as she wrote.

Staying awake all night wondering if he likes you back, not being able to eat when you think of him, and not being able to think of anything BUT him, it's pure torture. There are times when I think that he may not like me. Like when he's cold to me and when we argue. Those time's just kill me inside. I know that he doesn't really hate me and that he respects me, but I still can't help the way I feel.

Love isn't all bad, though. When I'm with him I get such a rush, and when he smiles at me I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's the best. I sometimes wonder if it's really worth it though. Is it really worth all those bad feelings and doubts just for those few moments of happiness? Is HE really worth those bad feelings and doubts? Even if he isn't, I'll still have good memories of the time I spent with him, and someday I will find someone who IS worth it. On that note, Kagome put her pen down for the last time that night. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She felt as though a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Yes, I will find someone someday, someone who's worth it, someone who lives in my time, someone like...Hiei." Kagome thought. She smiled to herself and got up and went to bed with thoughts of Hiei and a new relationship in her mind.

As Kagome drifted off to sleep she was unaware that a certain spiky-haired fire demon had been standing on a tree branch just outside her window watching her and listening to her thoughts with the help of his jagan eye. She was unaware that after her last thought, a small smile spread across his face, a smile that stayed on Hiei's face as he jumped out of the tree and ran to a tree outside of Yusuke's house to get some sleep.


End file.
